Saturday, April 23, 2005
Jealousy does not inspire true love - ever wondered?

Love as it can only exist in highschool - too be continued

Posted at 06:18 pm by vanillasun0
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Monday, March 07, 2005
Plagerism

I've known rivers:
I've known rivers ancient as the world and older than the flow of human blood in human veins.
My soul has grown deep like the rivers.
I bathed in the Euphrates when dawns were young.  I built my hut near the Congo and it lulled me to sleep.  I looked upon the Nile and raise the pyramids above it.  I heard the singing of the Mississippi when Abe Lincoln went down to New Orleans, and I've seen its muddy bosom turn all golden in the sunset.
I've known rivers:
Ancient, dusky rivers.
My sould has grown deep like the rivers.

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with triumph and disaster
And treat those two imposters just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with wornout tools;

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breath a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on";

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with kings - nor lose the common touch;
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you;
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run -
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!


I can do this.  I can play highschool chick with the fake smile and the phony laugh.  I can be nice to her, even be friends with her.  I can goof around with you, when secretly my heart throbs.  I can do all that - If I can know when I go to sleep at night that someday you'll be there next to me~

I believe fiance overrides boyfriend?  It is sad, but this is what comforts me. 


Bring on DVC boys!


Posted at 10:33 pm by vanillasun0
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Sunday, February 27, 2005
Becoming a realist

The calm after the storm is almost sickening.  Everything just looking for the most plausible peace - right or wrong.  I miss you like the second half of my heart.  Inertia is the sole foe of true love.  Someday you'll be that prince in shining armor.  But between now and then there will be many nights of stiffled tears.

Posted at 08:23 am by vanillasun0
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Thursday, February 24, 2005
My heart will go on

Let us not seek to fix the blame for the past. Let us accept our own responsibility for the future.

Posted at 09:48 pm by vanillasun0
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Saturday, February 05, 2005
Never felt like this before

I just really want to cry my eyes out and go to sleep until everything is perfect.
I dont wanna talk about it, I dont wanna think about it - I just want it all to go away.
Please God, I just don't know anymore.

Posted at 09:53 pm by vanillasun0
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Saturday, January 22, 2005
You make me wanna lala

Things I'll never say:
   Baby someday things will be good between us again.  Beter than what is was before - it'll be magic.  But it won't be tonight, or tomorrow.  To be honest, with you I feel like I am constantly running into a brick wall.  I'm going to bed, good night.

Supergirl - the spirit in my heart
   


You asked for it mister.

(Chorus)
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain, with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret, I’ve kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep, they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years, they've played

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move, that I made I would
If I could - stand up, and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame, to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move, that I made I would
If I could - stand up, and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame, to the grave

(Chorus)
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain, with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn’t have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There’d never be a past

If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move, that I made I would
If I could - stand up, and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame, to the grave I would
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move, that I made I would
If I could - stand up, and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame, to the grave

Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending, I don’t feel misplaced
It’s so much simpler, than change

(Chorus)
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain, with something numb
It’s so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone

Posted at 09:09 pm by vanillasun0
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Tuesday, January 18, 2005
Feeling dumb....I don't know how to say sorry

There are not enough nights I could spend in your arms to satisfy me

Posted at 02:39 pm by vanillasun0
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Friday, January 07, 2005
Not monogous, free falling star

How can you love me
And touch her
How can you crave me
And invite her in

I don't know
If I could be us again
And I'm about to find out
How you can
Because I will

He's nervous and quiet
Has the most dramatic smile
Soft dark eyes
Strong arms
And he has never made me cry




Lyin' in my bed
Thoughts in my head
Visions of you
But I can't get through the night
So pick up the phone
I know you're home
You're playin' with my heart
And you know that it just ain't right

It's just a game of love, love, love
And even though it's hard, baby
I can never give you up

You're the one I'm dreamin' of
I can't live without your love
Tonight
And it's you that I adore
You're the one that I live for
Inside
Of you--I'm dreamin' of you


Late at night when all the world is sleeping
I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that somewhere you are
Thinking of me too

Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight
Till tomorrow I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be
Than here in my room dreaming about you and me

Wonder if you ever see me
And I wonder if you know I'm there
If you looked in my eyes
Would you see what's inside
Would you even care?


Posted at 01:02 pm by vanillasun0
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Monday, January 03, 2005
Outstanding

Break the silence and the mundane.  The accepted is only for those who have no ambition to move the world around them - just accept what they are given.  We owe it to ourselves to make it better than that - we owe it to everyone.  Flex your muscles and feel the affect you have - every human being has the same capasity of power.  We are all like blank pieces of paper, all the same, but what we put on the paper makes us who we are. 

Be the change you wish to see in the world~

Dream as if you'll live forever. Live as if you'll die today~

Posted at 12:58 pm by vanillasun0
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Monday, December 06, 2004
Dignity

Music speaks the language of our spirits.  Mine says:

NO ONE WAITS FOREVER



 


Posted at 08:05 pm by vanillasun0
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Next Page


I am that school girl who trips in front of her crush - in more ways than you can know.


it seems as if it is a cry for attention
or as if a secret privation to your heart
that only those who read will understand
discovery of u should be genuine and authentic


Music is an act of community
Music fills my life and gives me new hope
On stage people flush with their own power
An expression of emotion in life
Songs can’t change the world, but maybe a room
I want my songs to inspire somebody
Writing is a way to become myself
Speaks for our lives and what we dream to come
In everyday, music will save my soul


   


<< December 2009 >>
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I want to live for something bigger than me. I want to be part of something I can feel, but that I cannot explain. I want to feel that power and strength for a cause more noble, and worth more to me, than my life. Something spiritual and something I have suffered to attain. Something rebellious, but something our Lord would smile upon. I want to beat the odds, and feel invincible, not in my own strength, but by the strength of this unity or this cause that motivates me. I want to be able to stare down death with no fear, but only a challenge. I want to make my life worth something to people I don’t know. I want to love with a passion of such magnitude that I will feel satisfied both physically and emotionally. I want to see peace and taste the joy of success in those I trust and admire. I want to know our God and know, but possibly not understand, his power. I want to be proud, not of myself, but of the spirit that has moved me in wondrous ways. In this way will my life be complete.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Girls lie. They don’t want a guy that’s good looking, or smart, or athletic, or popular. Not even the guy that can play the guitar like he was singing it himself. She doesn’t even want the guy with the sexy voice or the best hitter on the varsity baseball team. This may seem ironic, but we aren’t that vain…just selfish. All a girl wants is to be wanted back. If he wants her, then she will like him. She will care for him like she will care for anyone else. Not because she really wants him, or cares how well he can play guitar; she just wants someone to want her, to need her, and care about her life. And she will learn to love him. Because things are just better when people are happy. Just care how he is feeling – just keep him happy – and he will love you more for it. He is happy with a girl he loves that cares about keeping him happy. It seems right….but it’s definitely not. Keep hope that true love is better than that; that you aren’t selling yourself.

To cover it up, so I don’t have to see it anymore, somehow makes it unreal.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If – Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too:
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
If you can dream -- and not make dreams your master;
If you can think -- and not make thoughts your aim,
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same:
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools;
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings,
And never breathe a word about your loss:
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: "Hold on!"
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings -- nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much:
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And -- which is more -- you'll be a Man, my son!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Did you ever get that feeling when you were little that you knew everything, that right and wrong was so simple, and you had the solutions to everything? You wondered how it was so hard for grown-ups to see how simple everything really is, and that there must be some trick to it, which made the same answers not work for everything. You might have even wondered if, as you grew older, you’d become very dumb and maybe you should right down everything you know now, just in case. In songs and movies you would hear about or see people that made stupid mistakes, and lost the most important things that they had, and you would promise yourself that you would never be that dumb, and always be happy, and have everything that you needed or wanted. And now, not such a long time later, you look back, you realize that you’ve made a couple of the dumb mistakes you said you wouldn’t, you’ve lost something, someone, some part of yourself and somehow you wish time had a rewind button, and you’re thinking, maybe you should have written down everything then.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Take your time in reading this - so you catch all the bullshit

1. if you had tried to find out who you are and became more confident in yourself, amongst other things, there is no doubt in my mind that i would still like you
2. I don't know how much i like you because im confused about who "you" are.
3. but as far as deeper things go, alot of the things you said werent exactly deep
4. there are other instances in which you have said things that i didnt like
5. i think you need to know yourself better
6. the last thing i would ever want to do is hurt you
7. you are very important to me and very sorry that i have to put you through this
8. but it wouldnt be fair to you for me not to do this



1. i know one thing you want more than anything else is for someone to truly love you
2. you are very self-conscious which i understand you might not be able to control but you need to think of yourself more highly
3. i already know that you are amazing but you dont seem to tell yourself that

what the hell did u expect? u want me to be myself? this is me to the core. see? this is the real Kelsey when she’s broken and crying her eyes out


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